Groundhog Blamed for Ongoing Winter Season
One day shy of April Fool’s Day, the North East was gifted with a snow storm in spite being two weeks into the spring season. Citizens are placing the blame onto the one and only weather predicting groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil.
“I just don’t understand why our God would forsake us like this,” wept groundhog enthusiast, Harold Ramis. “Why Phil, Why?!”
Scientists point to the increase of carbon in the earth’s atmosphere having dramatic consequences in the climate and weather patterns. As the globe warms, the storms become more radical, creating more destruction in their wake. But the average citizen isn’t concerned with the signals from the dying planet, placing all their chips on an old superstition.
“It’s all Punxsutawney Phil’s fault,” asserted Ramis. “Only the great and mighty Punxsutawney Phil can know the weather, not some PhD holding, glasses wearing nerd!”
To follow up the suspicions, The Viking News traveled to the home of Punxsutawney Phil in Punxsutawney, PA.
When asked why winter was still lingering, Punxsutawney Phil proceeded to attack the voice recorder with friverous energy. The groundhog was either very offended by the question, or more likely, an untamed wild animal.
“Youse gotta understand, Punxsutawney Phil, he’s a shy guy,” said Punxsutawney native, Rocky Cheesesteak. “Each year, we gotta pull him out of his little hiding spot.”
Upon questioning his thoughts of global warming or Punxsutawney Phil’s control over the weather, Cheesesteak shrugged his shoulders, emphasizing how jacked his traps are. “I don’t know nothin about that, me and the boys just like betting on whether or not he goes in his hole.”
We intended to interview the groundhog further, but the large rodent attacked a few of the reporters and they had to be rushed off to receive rabies shots.