Students Anxiously Watch Doomsday Clock to Enjoy Apocalypse
With scientists moving the clock that much closer to midnight, WCC students find themselves rushing to make plans for the most anticipated event of 2018, the apocalypse.
“This is gonna be better than Spring Break in Miami,” said Tony Lamont. “It’s gonna be so rad, with super sick outfits, no rules, and killer babes.”
Clubs on campus are taking advantage of student’s enthusiasm for the end of modern civilization as we know it. The Fashion Club will be holding a fashion show to show the must wears of every apocalyptic season like a nuclear winter, waterless wasteland, or a world submerged in water.
WEB will also host an event dubbed as the End of Days Party where they will raffle off a backpack filled some items that seem useless but could be the difference between life and death after a few weeks after humanities collapse. Items like floss, empty plastic water bottles, chapstick, and leftover DIY body scrub kits.
Power 88.1 will also partner up with WEB’s event where they will just play the song “It’s the End of the World as We Know it,” by R.E.M. on repeat. The Student Government Association, however, is at a loss.
“We tried taking a vote as what kind of rules we will operate under after Doomsday, but the vote is pretty evenly split between Star Trek’s version of communism and the Mad Max hierarchy,” said SGA President Hamza Raja. “Which is unfortunate, because I’m personally holding out for something more along the lines of ‘I am Legend’ where I can just wait out the rest of my days with a dog and not have to talk to anyone ever again.”
While most students prepared for the end of the world, be it with parties or fortifying their bunkers, some students showed disappointment over the likely disasters.
“I get that nuclear war or climate change is more likely to be the death of us all, but I can’t help but feel that we should have gone out by alien invaders or by zombies,” said student Bethany Sloane.
The Doomsday Clock was advanced forward to two minutes to midnight because of people not recycling, people not trusting their governments, and Donald Trump’s daily twitter storms.
“Heck, I would have settled for Judgment Day by some peeved deity over a tweet from our President. This really blows,” Sloane said.