Leaked Documents Reveal Geese Plotting Major Attack on Campus
Documents recently obtained and released by controversial goose intelligence organization WikiBeaks reveal a planned all-out-attack on WCC’s campus in the coming weeks.
The planned attack, reportedly drawn up by South American military officer General Goosetavo, lays out an invasion plan which includes defecating on pathways, and generally being kind of annoying in numbers not seen since the infamous G-Day invasion of the 1940s.
The dinosaur-descended masters of land, sea, and air have wreaked havoc on WCC’s campus every spring, with this year’s counter-insurgency almost certain to ruffle the feathers of the administration, who have attempted to combat the geese over the years with varying degrees of success. Recent attempts include the construction of incredibly lifelike statues of wolves, and just kind of shooing them away if they bother the students too much.
While the invasion is planned for later in the Spring Semester, a few scouts have recently been spotted having a gander at the campus and relaying information back to HQ. While they have not been seen doing anything explicitly illegal, all geese on campus are generally suspected of fowl play.
In a recent exclusive interview with the Viking News, goose movie star and celebrity activist Goose Willis claimed that the land on which WCC stands originally belonged to geese, and is still rightfully theirs.
“It might be hard to swallow, but this was once our home and we don’t deserve this kind of tweetment,” Willis said. “You might have taken this land from us once, but toucan play at that game.”
While the documents do not reveal an exact number of insurgents, it has been suggested that this year’s invasion will see unprecedented numbers. No word yet on how the geese are planning to webbed-foot the bill.
WCC student Robert Garcia is among many student voices concerned for their safety in the coming weeks.
“What? Who are you?” Garcia said when asked to comment. “I can’t talk right now I have to get to class.”
Clearly, this student has been shaken to the core and is too afraid to comment openly in fear of re-talon-ation.